jealous (the beginning)

“Charles, wait!”


My heart was breaking when I ran away from him. I wanted to run and to never stop forever. I heard him calling out to me. Oh God, I wish he would run further to catch me…

“Hey Charley! Wait up! Why are you so in a hurry?” Matt asked as if very concerned.
“No I wasn’t. I was just thinking of someone. I remembered someone.”
“Then, why don’t you tell me about it?”
“Okay. Let’s talk about it while we walk. You see, there’s this guy whom I cherished so much. I really wanted to tell him that…


“I love you. I did even before you made friends with me. And I continued doing this because I thought you would discover that somehow, you feel something for me too.” My mind wanted to emblazon all these and simply end everything between us. Yeah, that would mean our friendship. But I can’t. Instead, “Dan, it’s gonna be okay between you and Jenny. Trust me; she’ll give a ring tonight.” I said these even if the moment’s slowly tearing my heart apart.

“Thanks Charles. I always knew you’d be the perfect friend.”

“Well, I guess I am.” I said to myself as I walked pass him to head back to my room. It has always been like this. He wakes me up at three a.m. to tell me that something’s wrong with his girlfriend, and the stupid I, always come to his rescue. I give him words of encouragement that I couldn’t even give to myself.

I am Charley and this is my story.

“Charles! Hey buddy! Guess what?” Dan exclaimed in excitement.
“Yeah I know. She said she was wrong to have said something bad and she felt stupid to let you go so she wondered if you two could give a second try.”
“Hmm. I just wanted to tell you that I got a flat one in Medsurg. But hey, thanks pal! You are a real genius for guessing that right. She called me and threw exactly those words.”
“By the way, where are you heading?” He asked in a very happy tone.
“To hell. Wanna come?” I replied foolishly.
“You’re so weird. I’ll see you later.” Then we walked different ways.

I really cannot blame myself for liking Dan and eventually falling in love with him. You see, he’s the perfect guy every girl in the world would dream to be with. He is tall, dark and handsome. He has those perfect eyes that could look straight to you and melt you if he wishes. He has those perfect lips that could tell no lies. He is so smart. He is so perfect. But maybe beyond that, I love him because he was the only one who chose to befriend me when the rest of the world wanted me to disappear. But then, I always knew we couldn’t be a match. I am Charley, a loyal best friend. And I am excellently defined in his life this way.

I was on my way out to school when my eye caught Jenny kissing Nate, Dan’s team mate in basketball. I hurried my steps for them not to notice me but Jenny did. She immediately blocked my way and grabbed my wrist tightly that I couldn’t let go.

“You wouldn’t dare tell Dan with what you just saw right? You already know what would happen to you. And I am pretty confident he wouldn’t believe you.”

“Don’t be so sure about that Jenny. You really don’t have an idea what a big trouble you’re in.” I fought.

“Yeah really? Try me Charley. You don’t wanna let Dan know about your little crush on him right? What? Ever since you were kids? And you even have the guts to tell me all these?” She held my hand much firmly this time.

“Ouch! You’re hurting me! You don’t know anything about me Jenny!”

“Sure did honey. What made you think that I don’t know about you? You’re so transparent Charley. I can see through you that you like him very much! I’m warning you, one word from you and I’ll make sure he’s not gonna talk to you forever. And you’ll regret for ever trying to start a fight.

She let me out. Both of them hurried back to the classrooms while I wept literally hard. I cried my heart out even until it turned night. I couldn’t really fathom what just happened. I mean, I always knew that that girl was unfaithful. But for it to reach this far, it should be enough. I have decided to tell Dan everything.

I had myself prepared already so I managed to be at school earlier. Then I saw Dan walking towards me with the very unusual stern look and interrogating tone.

“Dan, what’s wrong? Didn’t you sleep well last night? You know, I was kinda wondering if I could talk to you about…”

“There’s really no need Charley.”

I was surprised. He never called me Charley my whole life. I have always been Charles for him.

“Didn’t you just call me Charley, Dan?”
“What’s wrong with you? How could you call me Charley Dan? You never call me Charley!” I raised my voice with tears in my eyes.

“How could you hurt Jen Charley? How could you say such terrible things to her? And as if you weren’t satisfied, you even tried to harm her!”

“No I didn’t. Stop accusing me Dan. You know I wouldn’t do that.”

“Well, who knows you would? How could you do this? From the start, you pretended to be my friend and I was so nice to believe you!”

“Dan, I needed a friend and you were there. You were always there. It was hard Dan because…”

“Because what Charley? Because you wanted me? Which is why you also wanted Jen to be out of the way right? You kept that secret for so long. Now I wish you have kept it forever because I don’t wanna know it.”

“Fine Dan! Because you know what? I am really tired to be the “I always knew you’d be the perfect friend Charley” in your life. For once in my life, I wanted to be somebody more than a friend to you Dan. Everyday I wish for one time, even for one time that you would wake me up at three a.m. not because you have problems with Jenny but because you wanted to tell me that you love me. But God! I know it’s impossible!”
“You know what really happened? Well, I just saw your sweet and unstained Jenny making out with your team mate Nate. I felt bad hiding it from you so I decided to tell you everything. But guess what? Looks like Jenny was first to tell you her side of the story. Hurt her? I didn’t. She was the one who hurt me Dan. You know what else she said? She said you wouldn’t believe me. Oh God, I hate to believe she’s right!”

“She didn’t tell me that Charles”, he said in a shocked voice.
“Of course she wouldn’t Dan.”

“Oh I am so sorry Charles. I never knew…”

“No. Don’t be. I’ve had enough. And maybe you’re right. Maybe it was better that you knew nothing about how I felt for you. Yes, maybe I need this pain to wake me up. I guess I’ve been asleep for a very long time dreaming about you that I forgot to realize there could never be us. This pain shall suffice the long wait.”
“And you know what? God knows how I wished to have never felt this way because no one knows what kind of pain I have to bear whenever I’m around you, when all you ever did was appreciate Jenny.”
“I feel so insecure Dan.”
“I feel so small.”

My heart was breaking when I ran away from him. I wanted to run and to never stop forever. I heard him calling out to me. My, I wish he would run further to catch me.

“Miss, something wrong?” a man handed me a hanky.

“No. Nothing. I just had something in my eye.”

“I didn’t know it could make you cry that badly. Well, I’m new in your school and I don’t have much friends so if you want to talk or not talk, I’m just here.”

“Thanks. Well, uhm, I am Charley. What did you say your name was?”

“Hmm. I’m Matt. Matt for Matthew you know.”

For the first time in my life, someone asked me how I felt. I sketched a smile on my face.

At one corner, I noticed Dan. I knew he saw me. He saw me with Matt. God, how I wish he was hurt. How I wish he was jealous.

I smiled. I wiped my tears away and stood up.

“I am fine now. Let’s go.

To be continued…