wish (the black anonymous)

“What are you doing?”
I asked Dan as he locked his fingers into mine.

“What do you think am I doing?”
“I’m holding your hand as if I don’t wanna let you go.”
“I like holding your hand. It fits snugly into mine.”

“But were holding hands as if…”

“As if what? As if we’re a couple?”
Dan smiled and I gave out a sigh.
I thought to myself. I wish we are.

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The world- it is full of stories of the heart. Although there are thousands of happy endings every fairytale unravels, there are however, millions of heartbreaks that remain silent in the dark, where no one can hear, where no one can find. Despite this, the world goes on for the rest of the people- alone, in love, breaking, or not. And I, Charley, am one of those people that the world does not notice. I am left, wishing. Wishing for only one, only one happy ending to take place.

“Hey shorty! Dreaming again of that knight in shining armor? I bet you were Cinderella this time.” Dan remarked foolishly on my moment of oblivion.

God, why can’t I have the courage to tell him everything?

“Huh? I’m sorry? What…what were you saying?” I asked, trying to hide my blushing cheeks as he gets an inch closer to me.

“Why have you been floating lately Charles? Is there any problem?”

“Uhmm. Dan…I was kinda thinking if…uhm…” I was about to tell him everything until Micah, her ex-girlfriend hit the conversation.

“Danny! Do you think you have time for a little chat? I kinda thought you were not busy?”

“Charles, is it okay if I borrow Danny for a while?”
Micah. She was always the sweetest. And I hope I could borrow that charm and beauty in her so that Dan may have to look at me differently, so that I can be more than Charley…so that I can be his Charley.
Dan looked at me as if asking for approval.
“Uhh..you don’t really have t o ask him from me. I’m quite sure Dan would also like to accompany you.”
“Dan, Micah..take time to talk okay? I think I have to go now.” I supposed, leaving the one I love with the girl he loves. The irony in it is unhurriedly shredding me into pieces and slowly creating drops of tears on my eyes.

12:00 A.M. – Dan called to say…
“Hey fella, did I cut your beauty sleep?”

“Why do you have to ask? You always do that.”
I can sense him smiling. God, I think I know this man better than he does.

“Charley, do you think I it’s about time that…”
“…that what?”
“that I should tell you about my feelings?”
My heart screamed for joy. This man is finally gonna make a move. I think I don’t have to make things longer for us. I’m gonna have to say yes.

“Charley…are you still there?”
“Yeah..Uhmm..I think I might have to tell you something too. I mean, the feeling is really mutual.”
“You know? You mean you already know?”
“Of course..and I think my answer is yes.”
“God..thank you Charles. I’ve really been battling my feelings about telling Micah I still love her but with you encouraging me already, guess we really have a chance to be together.”
“What? You mean you are going after Micah again?” His words broke me. You are so foolish Charley dreaming you’d be enough for him. Damn, you are such an idiot to believe something unreal.
“Hello?”
“Uhm…Dan..”
“Are you crying? Oh my God, what happened to you?”
“I think I might have to hang up. I am feeling uneasy. I caught colds you know. I..ahh.. I’ll just ring the moment I get better.”
“Okay. Thanks honey! Bye!”

I dropped the phone. Honey? Is that what all people call their friends? Is holding hands still normal for friends? I can’t help my tears from falling. I can feel the pain removing me from earth, exposing me to the saddest part of my story. Why am I Charley? Why am I not Micah?

I gazed to the stars, crossed my fingers and fell into a deep sleep.

The atmosphere was serene. The air was fresh. I went out of the house with the unusual feeling of brokenness. Last night was a mess. I think I could save the rest of the day from heartaches if I wouldn’t see him…until…I did. I saw him. I saw him with her. He did not even notice me. But what hurt me more were the words that fell from his mouth while holding Micah’s hand.

“What are you doing Dan?” Micah, I just wish she would resist.
““What do you think am I doing?”
“I’m holding your hand as if I don’t wanna let you go.”
“I like holding your hand. It fits snugly into mine.”

I felt tears flowing endlessly. It hurts me so much seeing him with her.
I realized that sometimes, we fall in love with a person we could never resist falling for. And no matter how hard we try to be the best for them, we can never be good enough. So we choose to stay silent. And our feelings are trapped in the bounds of friendship. And what do we do? We wish. We can only have them through our wishes. It’s all up to the gates of heaven to grant our happy endings in our dreams but while we are awake, we are faced with a reality that there is no such thing as love for us.

I have to say, although we make a good page in a book of fairy tales,there was never Dan and Charley.
There was never us.